Hold on

I feel like I started in a boat, in a freaking yacht, safe as anything, and then it started to sink so I had to leave on a lifeboat, and then the lifeboat started to deflate and then it just disappeared altogether and now I’m treading water but getting tired, trying to hold myself up and trying to will the water into something more solid that will hold me in place and keep my head above the surface because I know, once my head goes under, nothing will come up again unless somebody saves me. Every time my palms hit the surface of the water it seems solid for a fraction of a second, like I’ll be able to hold on and pull my shoulders up, like I can survive, but then it’s gone and I’m fighting just to bring my hand back up to the surface. Sometimes, when the wind picks up, a wave comes and sloshes up around my ears, and I can’t breathe for a second, and it’s just about time to give up and then the wind dies again and I’m back to grasping at a liquid that will never be solid enough to hold on to.